I hope it’s not just me….but is there a room in your house that you have to keep the door shut when company comes? Even while cleaning the rest of the house, that one room seems to become the “dumping ground” and you never get around to cleaning out THAT room. Kinda like the infamous junk drawer everyone talks about, but on a larger scale. Outta sight, Outta mind.
Okay, now I’m embarrassed. Maybe it IS just me!
Last week I had company…and “the door” was shut. Every time I passed that closed door I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Boy, if they only knew what that room looks like. The mess. The clutter. The pure chaos. Thankfully, no one opened the door so my secret was safe (until now!). But the next morning as I was getting ready for work I was so overcome with the realization that the chaos behind the door was a direct reflection of what my life feels like right now. So much stress (which I’m convinced is sin because its worry about things I’m not willing to trust God with) and clutter and things I just don’t want to deal with. What a mess I am!
I don’t have what I guess some would consider “big” sins, but anything that stands in the way of my relationship with God is too big. Yet, instead of dealing with things like pride or pettiness or stubbornness or bitterness or unwholesome talk….things that I KNOW grieve the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:29-32)… instead, I hide it back somewhere behind that door of my heart, hoping no one will see it. That I won’t be exposed!
The time to open my door is now. God knows its there anyway. He longs for me to walk with Him with a clean and pure heart. Washed in the blood of the Lamb. The funny thing about the door in my heart…the doorknob is only on the inside. He’s not going to open it and coax me to deal with the chaos and clutter. But He promises to love me through the process… and use it for my good. Why would I ever deny myself that pleasure? His love, my good.
I’m having company again in a few days and I really want to get through the mess so I can keep the door open! But even if I don’t, I am determined to keep all the doors of my heart, my mind, my whole being open so Christ is free to occupy every part!
"Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love." Ephesians 6:24
SUP (that’s short for Sister UPdate…clever, huh?)
Background: Her chemo treatment plan is a combo of 3 drugs, administered once every 3 weeks. I don’t know for how long. I never thought to ask.
She had her first chemo treatment on Monday 6/13 and did well. Until the nausea and such (I won’t type that word) began around 7pm…and the anti-nausea medicine wasn’t helping. We were texting back & forth and I was crying, going bonkers because this is my little sister and I’m 1,000 miles away and I don’t want her to be sick!! So I called her hoping I could distract her or keep her occupied with conversation so she wouldn’t notice that she was sick. And we had a great conversation….about her treatment, people in the office, meeting a man named Jim Siegfried who, with his wife Cynthia, founded a Christian support group f.a.i.t.H – 'facing an illness through Him'. Coincidence? I think not! They meet once a month, so hopefully she will feel well enough to go & be encouraged and supported!
The nausea and queasiness stuck around for a few days. The doctor had given her several different meds to try, and she did but only for a day or two. She’d rather do without if possible. Sometimes that will work, other times I’m sure she’ll be grateful for the meds.
She’s been really tired but did work some shifts this past week. She’s been told that she will lose her hair at the 3 week point, so she’s trying to prepare for that. We’ve had a lot of laughs at the thought of getting something painted on the back of her head! She did go shopping today for wigs and/or hats! I hated to miss that outing!! Another round of laughs… (1) fake eyelashes & eyebrows… stick-ons or draw ‘em on? (2) Caps with hair attached or just a Velcro strip of hair (back or bangs) to attach to the hat of your choice? Decisions…Decisions!!!
Just talked to her and she lost a bunch of hair this morning in the shower! A week early!! Good thing she had a successful shopping trip today! She’s gonna be stylin’!!!
Chemo Round Two – Tuesday, July 5th (due to holiday on Monday)
1 comment:
Well this is my first time to even read a blog and will admit I was impressed with your writing and very jealous of your love for Leisha. I realize you know how long I had hoped to have that with Debbie but I have finally come to grips with that too. Kathryn is still living with me along with the 3 kids and the things she has said to me that my "sister" has said and felt about me all these years broke my heart but I have finally taken your advise and I have turned it all over to the Lord and you were right! I have walked out of the fog and I am not what or who they tried to make me believe I was. The day Virgil walked into my life he started to work on me and it took him a lot of tears and hard work but things are getting better and I am starting to believe again. Not only in my faith but also in man kind. He has shown me what family is and I had forgotten. He has shared his beautiful children with me and they are sharing their lives and love with me.
Tria you were so right! God is good and all I had to do was turn it all over to him. Thank you so much for never giving up on me. I love you so much and there is a very special place in heaven for you.
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