My Sister

I’ve been thinking about my sister a lot lately. In May she was diagnosed with Stage 3b breast cancer and has undergone several treatments of chemotherapy. Tomorrow, October 31^st she will have surgery. I know it’s natural for her to be on my mind through all this…hoping she’s okay and not anxious…wishing I was not 1,000 miles away…praying for her to have complete peace about the procedure and confidence in her doctors… you know, the normal stuff.  I want to put on my “Super Sis” cape, swoop in and save the day for her!

But covering all of that is a deep sense of gratitude that she’s MY sister!  I have memories of her that no one else has or knows about.  I have a love for her that is like none other.  I’ve always been amazed that two females from the exact same gene pool (one I’m very grateful for!) can be so completely different.   Oops! For 50+ years I’ve told her that we found her in a basket on the front doorstep!  I guess the secret is out now!  Yes, we are true biological sisters.  : )   I must say she was a beautiful baby!  I was not even five when she was born, but she carries her baby picture in her wallet to this day, so I can’t help but remember she was a prettier baby than I was!  For a while she volunteered at the zoo and once brought a huge snake home…and it slept in her bed with her!  Still give me the willies just thinking about it!!! But she LOVES animals…. always has and I imagine she always will.  and I remember weird things...her love of Yogi Bear, Beanie & Cecil, Mr Moose from Captain Kangaroo.  I don't even remember MY favorite cartoons but I remember hers!!!

Life has not always been easy for her but I think she has the biggest heart of anyone I know.  She forgives when I don’t know if I could have. She loves…and has two wonderful loving sons who learned from her example. She is patient…the ‘quiet’ daughter.  Me….not so ‘quiet’!  Ever!  I know she’s not perfect, but she’s the perfect sister for me.  I’m so proud of her!  The courage she has displayed over the last 5 months isn’t something new.  It’s who she is. It has been an honor and privilege to pray for her on this journey. It has made my faith stronger. It has made our relationship stronger. This morning my pastor reminded us that when trials come…and they will come…it’s our choice whether we will resent God for the trial or rejoice in it because of the work that He’s doing in me through it. My choice.  Am I passing the ‘acid test’ of this trial? I know this is really her trial, but I’m amazed at the impact it has made on me.  We have cried together. We have talked through nausea on the phone. We have shared things that God is teaching us.  And I am grateful.  I pray that His purpose will be fulfilled in both of us…and that purpose is two-fold….that my/our faith may prove to be authentic and that God may be praised, honored and glorified. (again, from my pastor. thanks Pastor Dave!)

I know I will be a Nervous Nelly tomorrow waiting for the call that says she’s in recovery and doing fine!  A day of prayer for me!  And prayers from lots of my friends here in NJ!  I love you, Sheeshee!  We’ve come a long way and still have a ways to go!  Looking forward to my visit in 11 days to see you, rejoice with you, laugh and maybe cry, make plans for Christmas and give thanks to our Faithful God!

“The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”  Psalm 116:5-7

I am Fred.

Okay, I know that’s a weird title – and no, Fred is not writing this blog post. (He IS a smart dog, but he’s lazy!)

This morning, like most mornings, after letting Fred out I gathered my Bible, my prayer journal, devotional book, found my quiet place and settled in to start my day with God. And, like most mornings, Fred jumped up beside me, pressing into me, looking up into my eyes as if to say, “I’m here now and Mommy, I love you!”.  He always does that, but today it struck me as such a clear picture of all God wants from me – from us – to stop long enough to gaze on His face, to press into Him, to just love Him back.  He couldn’t care less about what religion I am – He just wants a relationship.  That’s why He created us…for relationship and fellowship with Him!

But my analogy of Fred didn’t stop there. This dog loves me unconditionally! He doesn’t always understand or like what happens in his life – like being put outside for the day when everyone else goes to work – but he’s totally dependent on me and trusts me to take care of his every need… and knows I’m coming back!  When I get home at the end of the day, he is so happy to see me! So happy that he runs to find a gift for me, usually a stuffed animal – with or without the stuffing – and it always makes me smile and laugh.  The only thing I expect from him is love and obedience.

So I ask myself – Do I love my Father unconditionally?  Even when I don’t understand or like what He’s doing in my life?  Am I totally dependent on Him? (I AM whether I realize it or not!) Do I trust Him to supply my every need?  Am I happy and eager to greet Him each day – longing to see Him and spend time with Him? And even my gifts – wow – what a picture! God doesn’t NEED my money, or my time, or my skills. He doesn’t NEED anything from me…but oh how it must delight Him and bring a smile to His face when I run to Him with all I have and lay it at His feet.

All He wants is a relationship with me. For me to love Him, to spend time in His Word and do what it says. It’s as simple as a dog’s life.  Are you Fred? or Gracie? or Chip? or Summer? or Rover?  (I have never known a dog named Rover – have you?) 

I am Fred.

"And I - in righteousness I will see Your face; when I awake I will be satisfied with seeing Your likeness." -Psalm 17:15

SUP #5

Wow. I can't believe it's been so long since I posted an update on my sister! After her hospital stay in July they changed her meds....and she hasn't been sick at all!! Thank you gracious God!!  She's been feeling good and has been going to work! The last doctor's report was that the tumor was shrinking. Next Monday, September 26 is her last scheduled chemo treatment. Three weeks after that she will probably have another PETscan and it will be determined if she still needs surgery or not.  At her request our prayers are that the tumor will be completely gone and surgery won't be needed.  But either way, we will be grateful to a faithful God! 

As many of you know, a friend & co-worker of mine will be participating in the Susan G Komen 3-day Walk in Philadelphia in October...and will be walking for Leisha and a couple of other very special ladies.  Every participant of the 3-day  is required to raise a minimum of $2,300 in donations and I'm ecstatic that Kristen has more than met her goal!  She has worked so hard to raise the money and I will be forever grateful to her.  Thank you Kristen!!!  If you would still like to donate in my sis's name, here's the link...

http://www.the3day.org/site/TR/2011/PhiladelphiaEvent2011?px=5988602&pg=personal&fr_id=1624

My "To Do" Lists

I used to be a multi-tasker…and a very good one I might add!  Now I  just attempt to multi-task. Not that I don’t try...I'm just not good at it anymore.  Since my brain got scrambled in a car accident in 2008, I can’t seem to concentrate on anything long enough to finish it…much less finish more than one thing at a time!  Which is so very frustrating for me! So I’m always looking for ways to help keep me on track, i.e. sticky notes, index cards, calendars (3 at work, 2 at home and 1 in my purse), reminders written on the bathroom mirror so they magically reappear when I get out of the shower.  (Which is really special when I forget that I wrote on the mirror!)  The “brain-thing” is actually the biggest reason I recently bought a  smartphone…hoping the programs in it will help me remember errands I need to run after work, what I need to pick up once I get there, who I need to call back, where I’m supposed to meet my Wednesday Nite Girlfriends this week & what I’m supposed to bring.  It's helping! 

I also have become a big fan of “To Do” lists (my phone has ‘Windows OneNote’…awesome!!)…which brings me to my inspiration for this post.  A few months ago I discovered the value of my “To Do” list.  I don’t even remember why I had a huge house-cleaning session in the works…oh yeah, my sister & two nephews were coming to visit with Joel’s visit 9 dats after that; helping with a friend’s rehearsal dinner; making food for a party; decorating the house for Easter; etc…! (The calendar came in handy for that memory jog!)  Anyway, I was overwhelmed with the list in my head of things that HAD to be done and knew I would need Doug and Holly’s help; but instead of jotting tasks down on a piece of paper I went to the computer to ‘make my list’.  I get so easily distracted on a daily basis…’SQUIRREL!’  if you haven't seen the movie "UP", you need to.  I open a new Word document and start typing.  ‘Oh, maybe I’ll color-code it showing the priority of tasks.’  I don’t know if you’re familiar with Microsoft Office 2007, but what fun!  I had a blast creating that  list…adding borders, fancy fonts, a cute little flower for all the bullet points, clipart, a text box with everyone’s arrival & departure dates and times….and a fancy sidebar with a Bible verse on it... “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”Colossians 3:23-24.  Doug and Holly loved that. I’m telling you, it was a thing of beauty! It should’ve been…it took me the rest of the afternoon!  I printed 3 copies and they both shook their heads in disbelief and probably mumbled, but over the course of a few days the three of us accomplished everything on the list!  YAY TEAM!   

My latest “To Do” list… I stuck with pen and paper.  Didn’t recruit help. Tackled it all by myself. As I finished a task, I marked it off the list. I even added a couple of things I did that weren’t on the list just so I could mark something off!  You should’ve seen it.  Everything done!  I was so proud of myself… I still can’t even bring myself to throw it away!! For two weeks it’s been sitting on the kitchen counter!  As lame as it sounds, my neurologist would be so happy!  

As further evidence of the miracle of an accomplishment like that for me, I must tell you that I started this blog post last week. It’s taken me several attempts to get it typed, and for the life of me I can’t even remember why in the world I was ‘inspired’ to write about my lists. But it’s done. þ  I completed one more thing.  And hopefully you got a chuckle out of it…or confirmation that I’m definitely a whackadoodle!  But either way, I’m blessed beyond measure!  

“In God we make our boast all day long, and we will praise Your name forever.”   Psalm 44:8

SUP#4

Sis had a really rough time last week following her second round of chemo, but she’s bounced back Tigger-style! She has worked 3 nights this week! I forgot to ask what she wore on her head….her new wig, a scarf or one of her new hats.  Thank you for your prayers for her!  God has been answering our prayers! She has an appointment with the surgeon next Wednesday, July 20 so hopefully she’ll find out what/when the next step is.    

Also, I posted this on Facebook, but in case you missed it…. A friend/coworker of mine is participating in The 3-Day Komen walk for breast cancer, and she will be walking in my sister’s honor.  THANK YOU KRISTEN!!  It is quite an undertaking! Not only will she be walking 60 miles in 3 days, but she is required to raise a minimum of $2,300 in donations!  She has been holding bake sales and raffles at work, and always looking for more fundraising ideas.  If you’d like to help her reach her goal, you can donate to her walk online…in my sister’s honor at

 www.the3day.org/site/TR/2011/PhiladelphiaEvent2011?px=5988602&pg=personal&fr_id=1624  or go to www.the3day.org and look for Kristen Colucci. Any size donation will be deeply appreciated! 

SUP #3

Well she's finally home from the hospital! Thank you Jesus! This morning they did an MRI on her head because of constant headaches, but Praise God, it was normal! We were pretty sure that they are just a side-effect of the chemo, which must be the case. Also this morning they finally found a med to help with her nausea. When I talked to her on the phone late this afternoon, she sounded pretty good! I know she's glad to be home so her family & pups can take good care of her!

Thank you so much for your fervent prayers! They availed much!!

"And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." -Matthew 10:30   I think that means that He knows how many she HAD...and how many will come back, 'cause there's none to count right now! I haven't seen a pic, but I'm sure she's still beautiful!!

SUP #2

[SUP-Sister UpDate #2]
My sister had her second round of chemo yesterday [Monday] and it went well....until the nausea set in. Didn't happen until evening, but when it hit, it hit big. I had tried to get in touch with her during the day but without success. I never know when to call because I don't want to wake her up if she's able to sleep at all, so I text...hoping for a reply. This morning I had an email from my mom telling me that sis had gotten very sick in the night and her husband had taken her to the hospital. The medicine that is supposed to take care of the nausea was not working and she was beginning to get dehydrated. They put her on some IV fluids. Two hours later they were still there, still on IV fluids, still nauseated. I haven't heard anything since then, but will post when I do. Please pray for her! My prayer this morning is for rest. "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2 Lord, may she find rest today in You. Her salvation from this comes from You. You alone are her Rock and her Salvation and her Fortress! We know she won't be shaken, but I pray this morning that You will give her rest and pour Your mercy and grace on her today!

Behind what door?

I hope it’s not just me….but is there a room in your house that you have to keep the door shut when company comes? Even while cleaning the rest of the house, that one room seems to become the “dumping ground” and you never get around to cleaning out THAT room. Kinda like the infamous junk drawer everyone talks about, but on a larger scale. Outta sight, Outta mind.

Okay, now I’m embarrassed. Maybe it IS just me!

Last week I had company…and “the door” was shut. Every time I passed that closed door I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Boy, if they only knew what that room looks like. The mess. The clutter. The pure chaos. Thankfully, no one opened the door so my secret was safe (until now!). But the next morning as I was getting ready for work I was so overcome with the realization that the chaos behind the door was a direct reflection of what my life feels like right now. So much stress (which I’m convinced is sin because its worry about things I’m not willing to trust God with) and clutter and things I just don’t want to deal with. What a mess I am!

I don’t have what I guess some would consider “big” sins, but anything that stands in the way of my relationship with God is too big. Yet, instead of dealing with things like pride or pettiness or stubbornness or bitterness or unwholesome talk….things that I KNOW grieve the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:29-32)… instead, I hide it back somewhere behind that door of my heart, hoping no one will see it. That I won’t be exposed!

The time to open my door is now. God knows its there anyway. He longs for me to walk with Him with a clean and pure heart. Washed in the blood of the Lamb. The funny thing about the door in my heart…the doorknob is only on the inside. He’s not going to open it and coax me to deal with the chaos and clutter. But He promises to love me through the process… and use it for my good. Why would I ever deny myself that pleasure? His love, my good.

I’m having company again in a few days and I really want to get through the mess so I can keep the door open! But even if I don’t, I am determined to keep all the doors of my heart, my mind, my whole being open so Christ is free to occupy every part!

"Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love." Ephesians 6:24


SUP (that’s short for Sister UPdate…clever, huh?)
Background: Her chemo treatment plan is a combo of 3 drugs, administered once every 3 weeks. I don’t know for how long. I never thought to ask.
She had her first chemo treatment on Monday 6/13 and did well. Until the nausea and such (I won’t type that word) began around 7pm…and the anti-nausea medicine wasn’t helping. We were texting back & forth and I was crying, going bonkers because this is my little sister and I’m 1,000 miles away and I don’t want her to be sick!! So I called her hoping I could distract her or keep her occupied with conversation so she wouldn’t notice that she was sick. And we had a great conversation….about her treatment, people in the office, meeting a man named Jim Siegfried who, with his wife Cynthia, founded a Christian support group f.a.i.t.H – 'facing an illness through Him'. Coincidence? I think not! They meet once a month, so hopefully she will feel well enough to go & be encouraged and supported!

The nausea and queasiness stuck around for a few days. The doctor had given her several different meds to try, and she did but only for a day or two. She’d rather do without if possible. Sometimes that will work, other times I’m sure she’ll be grateful for the meds.

She’s been really tired but did work some shifts this past week. She’s been told that she will lose her hair at the 3 week point, so she’s trying to prepare for that. We’ve had a lot of laughs at the thought of getting something painted on the back of her head! She did go shopping today for wigs and/or hats! I hated to miss that outing!! Another round of laughs… (1) fake eyelashes & eyebrows… stick-ons or draw ‘em on? (2) Caps with hair attached or just a Velcro strip of hair (back or bangs) to attach to the hat of your choice? Decisions…Decisions!!! 

Just talked to her and she lost a bunch of hair this morning in the shower! A week early!! Good thing she had a successful shopping trip today! She’s gonna be stylin’!!!

Chemo Round Two – Tuesday, July 5th (due to holiday on Monday)

Let me begin by admitting that I don’t have a clue how to blog; but I should start by saying thank you to my dear friend who took the plunge ahead of me which gave me the courage to jump in too!  So THANK YOU Debbie Mills...my Gold Dust Twin, Lucy to my Ethel and my Sally!  I enjoy following the blogs of her daughter Erica & daughter-in-law Aundrea…so I’m using them as my tutorial! I hope they don't mind...but they blow me away with their creativity and really set the bar high! 

I don’t have little kids at home so I didn’t really think I had much to blog about, but I have thoughts! I’ve experienced a lot….and hope to experience much more on this side of heaven!  And over the last few weeks I’ve been trying to come up with a way to communicate with friends & family in some way other than plastering it on Facebook…and a way to keep folks up-to-date on my sister’s breast cancer journey in a respectful way. She’s a much more private person than me and as much as I want to support her, it’s still her journey, not mine.  I’ll occasionally post updates on her progress…with her approval...because I know a lot of you love her, care about her and are praying for her.  and we are truly grateful.

I’m really hoping this blog thing will work for me.  Boy, do I need to work on my sticktuitiveness!  If you don't know me well, you will quickly find out what a chatterbox I am!  Growing up, I was the one in our family who always felt like I had to talk to fill in the gaps of quiet.  So maybe one sign of maturity is.....I'm now quite comfortable with quiet.  But writing...ah!  I can do that and still keep my mouth shut!

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." -Psalm 19:14

next post.... an attempt to explain "behind the door"